The Void...

I usually don't use this blog space as a personal story place but you know how there are some people who are worth mentioning and sometimes you want the whole world to know about them, well my nani(maternal grandmother) was one of those people. She died in the month of Safar this year. Initially i had thought not to talk about her death as i thought it was something too personal to share but over the weeks the feeling of penning about her has gradually increased. You know how the tears and sadness wells up inside you, i think sometimes the only way to let it go is to write it down.

She was one of those lovely people who have truly inspired and helped my personality. In this messed up world full of selfish and mean people she was that safe corner where one could go and hide and forget about everything. Since the time i have been fully aware of my surroundings i have seen her totally focused on her worship and devotion to Ahlulbayt(s.a). But the best thing about her was that she was one of those cool people with whom i could talk about religion as well as watch sports and chill out. It's one of those sweet memories to remember when Pakistan cricket team was about to lose and we used to plead to our nani to start doing tasbeeh for the team. So many of the prayers and duas that i have learned have come from her, i would have been quite ignorant if it weren't for her. I still remember this one time i was staying with her and she asked me to recite Iqbal's poems for her. One memory i think i can never forget is the time when i was little and was left with my nani for babysitting. She used to make the perfect fried eggs with toast n' butter and  a glass of cold mango squash. Then she used to set up everything in a tray and put it infront of me while i watched cartoons. Although over the years i have stopped eating eggs, but i am sure no one can make eggs as good as hers.

Although she lost a young son in her life, i never heard her complain to Allah(swt) or how she had suffered that tragedy. All the time she talked about patience and trust in Allah(swt). I remember the times when anyone of us from the family used to talk about problems and how things are getting difficult...she would always smile her typical soft smile and point above and say that trust in Allah(swt)...HE(swt) always helps.

Now when she is not here, looking back at her life makes me realize how piety truly moulds a person. Her prayers had made her mind so alert that even in pain and in her old age she was well aware of her surroundings and for a moment did not leave her senses. When she was about to die she was speaking out in pain but when the moment came really near she just stopped the pain sounds and started slowly reciting some duas or some Dhikr. This made me realize that no matter how much wealth people think they can accumulate in the end it's only your piety that is going to get you through to the other end. Her life also makes me reflect on the narration that says that live life in a manner that when you die everyone cries for you. She was a true embodiment of that. Everyone from close friends, to domestic helpers to far off friends and families broke down after hearing about her death. And people couldn't stop saying what a great person she truly was. I can go on an on about her but the space and time is limited. Suffice is to say she was truly one of the awesomest person i have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I don't know whether i was that perfect granddaughter or not but still she showered me with so much love and attention. Even a few days before her death when i went to meet her, she was so overexcited and overjoyed to see me that for a moment i was taken aback at the deep sense of love that i felt from her. Time spent with her are some of the warmest moments of my life when i knew that this person loved me for me and not for something that i had or for something selfish. It was one of those selfless love so hard to find these days. I can't describe the void left in my life with her death, she was the last link to that generation and time which still showed hope of selflessness and sincerity.  Even when she is gone, she has left her legacy of duas and devotion to Ahlulbayt(s.a) for me; the last thing that i inherited of her is her dua book, covered in a cloth specially sewn by her.

I just hope and pray that Allah(swt) eases things for her in her after life. If you ever read through this please pray for her maghfirat and say a surah Fatiha for her.